I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
