let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
