she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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