Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
