I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
