He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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