Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
