I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
