I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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