I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
there is glitter all over my balls
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
