my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
