Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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