new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
