I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
