Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
