Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
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bring money and cleavage
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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