Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
