I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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