Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
