She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, beer. Big fan.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
