You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I still have a little drunk in my system
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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