I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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