My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
