I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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