He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
