My pussy is not your playground.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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