Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
