no, he came in my armpit
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I will be naked everywhere
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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