I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
