captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
