My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
