i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's just like the Real World with babies
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
