His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Farmville is her only friend.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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