your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
