I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
