Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
