Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
