my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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