omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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