I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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