Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
