if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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