Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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