I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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