at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
