It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize