Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
