Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
literally had 100 drinks last night.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
