The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
