So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
