A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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