Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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