My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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