IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
