Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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