TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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