I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
