you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
