I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
