Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
