I am puke
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
