I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
