Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
