Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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