First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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