i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
