the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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