in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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