they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Every concussion has its silver lining
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize