he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
