I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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