the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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