all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
