I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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