Sacagawea was the original milf.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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