I want to walk on stilts...naked
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
