I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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