it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
