so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
